Ground Yourself in Love.  Love is a growth experience. I’m not speaking of romantic love, necessarily, but universal love, which is the essence of life itself. You can tap into this powerful force with something as simple as music, “I love this song!” –  and your whole day goes along more smoothly. Love is the all-encompassing, universal power that enables growth and discovery. Healing, change, progress and creativity flourish when rooted in love. Plato said, “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” Here are a couple of exercises you can use to tap into universal love:
Practice Loving Yourself. Practice regarding each and every living being as miraculous and indispensable. Include yourself in this process. Learning to love yourself is an essential building block in the kickass personal transformation process. Your relationship with yourself is the foundation and precursor of all other relationships in your life. Be kind, respectful, fearless, loyal, and longsuffering toward yourself and you will discover greater and deeper insights into what you can and will accomplish as you travel the road of life.
Daily Affirm and Accept Love. When you daily affirm and acknowledge that you are loved and loving, you empower yourself to make a positive impact on your environment and everyone you encounter. At each day’s end, meditate on the love you’ve witnessed, received and given.

The more you love — the more you learn to accept, give and receive love, the more you grow and develop your authentic personality and life force. Remember that forgiveness, a sense of humor, and an optimistic attitude make it easier to live in a state of universal love. Let go of resentment, envy, and self-pity — they’ll restrict your progress and make you miserable. Think about love — focus on the people, principles, attitudes, and things you love and let your mind open itself to the limitless joys and possibilities which surround you. You’ll grow in strength, wellness and self-reliance. And you’ll begin to feel a whole lot happier and more connected to life itself.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” 
— Lao Tzu, Taoist Philosopher

Roll With It. When human beings allow themselves to experience altruistic love, or passion for a cause, they’re empowered to overcome tremendous obstacles in pursuit of that cause. Likewise, when we transfer our focus from our own solitary ambition to thinking about and appreciating family, friends, etc., we find we can achieve much, much more.

Try this exercise, either upon waking or just before going to sleep at night: Think, “Who do I love?” Let your mind relax and visualize each person’s face or some aspect of their personality, a cherished memory. You may want to include yourself in this list, since learning to love ourselves is empowering and healing to self-esteem. Concentrate on the positive feelings — love and courage — called up by this process, and make a mental prayer or wish for your loved ones’ well-being. Next, think, “Who loves me?” Now relax and visualize each person as they come to mind.

Again, including yourself on the list can be beneficial. Allow yourself to experience all of the positive feelings that are being released as you engage in this exercise. Say a mental “thank you,” for all the love and support you’ve received, and allow yourself to experience the desire to reciprocate. If you apply yourself to this process for a period of days or weeks, you’re sure to benefit.

My experience working with combat veterans, as a programs counselor and presenter, helped me to appreciate and understand courage on a deeper level. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is resistance to fear. Courage is the conscious decision to move through fear to the objective. Here are four actions to manage your fears and build courage daily, and anyone, including you, can do them and get results.

Acknowledge and examine the fear. This is essential, since denial of the fear increases anxiety and compounds the problem. The unknown is always feared, so examining the fear can begin to dispel it. Find a quiet place in your mind, and examine the fear or anxiety. It can be helpful to get a pen and paper and write down all the things that come to mind as you contemplate the situation, for example, an upcoming speaking presentation.

Now take care to tell yourself that it is okay to have this fear. There is nothing wrong with you because you feel this fear. And you are not alone in experiencing your fear. For instance, experts agree that fear of public speaking is one of the most common, if not the most common, phobias in modern society.

As you think it over, ask yourself, does this fear remind me of a past experience? Did I establish this fear as a child? Maybe a parent or a person in authority impressed the fear on you during your formative years. Some fears are learned — and they can be unlearned.

Face your fear: prepare yourself to take action. Taking action through fear can be thrilling, self-empowering, energizing, and, well, a whole lot of fun — even if you’re scared and anxious beforehand. But this is true only when you’re prepared for it.  In public speaking, preparation involves research, considering the audience and situation, tailoring material accordingly, and rehearsing. More important, prepare your mind. Access the spirit, energy, and passion of your mission or message. Ask yourself what you’re bringing to others.

Using public speaking as an example, ask yourself if you are approaching your audience with respect — do you want them to benefit from this — or are you only worried about your ego? Are you speaking from the heart? Will you allow yourself to have fun with this challenge? What do you love about your message? About this speaking opportunity? About this audience? Prepare by feeling good, because it’s how you feel inside that trumps the fear.

Come from love — establish a purpose that is greater than your fear. Love crushes fear.  If you fill yourself with love and good feelings, there’s no room for fear.  Enthusiasm, passion, and fun are contagious, attracting a like response from others. When you allow yourself to experience altruistic love, or passion for a cause, you’re empowered to trample fears and anxieties in pursuit of that cause. Likewise, when you transfer your focus from your own solitary ambition to thinking about and appreciating family, friends, etc., you’ll find you can boldly face your fears. Courage begins building momentum.

Stay in the present moment. When living in the moment, not regretting the past or fearing the future, you are set free.  Fear is always forward – fear of the unknown, the myriad “what ifs” that multiply anxieties about what is to come. When you let go of everything but the present moment, creativity and joy are released so any challenge can be faced. Realize you are the sum of all your experiences to date, and choose to love who you are today. Armed with this attitude, it’s exciting to resist; to move through fear, taking steps in the present moment.

People of courage are often described as “fearless.” This is inaccurate – nobody’s immune to fear – we all have fears.  People of courage know that if they neglect to take action against fear it can take on a life of its own; that fear is an energy drain. For this reason, brave people take every opportunity, including public speaking, to acknowledge their fears and take action against them. In so doing, they inspire themselves and others to meet myriad challenges. Determine never to allow yourself to be paralyzed by stress and anxiety over speaking, the future, or anything else. And remember that courage is not the absence of fear — it is the presence of a willingness to resist and manage fear, while moving toward your objective.

A former SNL writer, Joe Bodolai, was found dead in a Los Angeles hotel room by a cleaning crew. Police reported that a bottle of Gatorade mixed with antifreeze was found on a table in the room. The coroner’s office has officially ruled it a suicide. The talented writer kept a blog called, “Say it Ain’t so, Joe,” where he posted his last entry on December 23rd. In a brief section entitled, “Things I Regret,” he listed “My inability to conquer alcoholism,” and “That I am no longer able to stand any more of life’s pain.”

Addiction involves an ever-increasing exercise in pain. And it is a fatal disease, but not an untreatable one. As a recovering addict, and a certified addiction professional, I’ve experienced this firsthand. And I’ve observed it in clients. I’ve also experienced, and witnessed, the process of recovery as an ever-increasing exercise in peace — of mind, of life, and of spirit. Joe Bodolai’s comments on his struggle with alcoholism and its pain speak volumes. He may have been engulfed by the despair that is a byproduct of the disease of addiction. In his final blog entry, he described an impressive and happy life, many accomplishments, and deep love for his family. This was not a man who had failed by any means. It saddens me to think that his perception of a “failure to conquer” the disease of addiction may have played a part in his death. Addiction is not something to be conquered, or even battled. It is a primary, chronic disease which requires treatment, not a moral struggle or a weakness.

When a comedian or comedy writer’s death is ruled a suicide, it makes the news. But people in all professions suffer from addiction and depression. A 1997 study of death certificates by the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health, (NIOSH) — found significantly elevated rates of suicide among white male physicians. Statistics are difficult to interpret regarding this issue. For instance, one theory suggests that doctors have easy access to a variety of controlled substances and have knowledge of how to effectively administer themselves a lethal dose. When a comedian dies, people see it as a tragedy, and rightly so. Funny, brilliant, talented individuals like Joe Bodolai create laughter and lighten up our collective consciousness.

Recovery is the opposite of addiction. It takes away the pain of life, and replaces it with peace, purpose, and hope. Recovery is the creation of a new lifestyle, a new attitude, and a new way of thinking. It is a connection to a support network so that isolation and loneliness don’t exacerbate the pain of life in active addiction. The process of recovery takes place in increments — one day at a time, and it’s real and possible. Yes, it requires commitment, persistence, a sense of humor, and a willingness to go to any length to stay in recovery. Recovery requires abstinence — abstinence is the key. But abstinence alone won’t accomplish the healing — it’s only the key. Recovery is the ignition, the car, and the road to a happy life.

If you are an addict, or are involved with someone who is an addict, you don’t have to conquer this disease or face it alone. Even the seemingly hopeless cases (and I was one!) can and do recover. Here are some places to get help:

Alcoholics Anonymous http://www.aa.org

Narcotics Anonymous http://www.na.org

Alanon http://www.alanon.org

National Institute on Drug Abuse http://www.drugabuse.gov

Kindness and tolerance, love and compassion — isn’t that what the holiday season is supposed to inspire? Too often, when I think about the holidays, I get a visual of an angry shopper pepper-spraying other shoppers in order to dominate the big-screen-tv section at a Walmart.

But so many people use the holidays to give, to love, and to care for others. Giving is beneficial to the giver and well as the one receiving the kindness and generosity. When we give freely to others, we experience positive emotions, because we forget ourselves and focus on others.

When we let go and live in the present moment, seeking opportunities to think, say, or act in kindness and tolerance, we experience true peace, and goodwill toward all other beings. And that’s something to celebrate, 365 days a year.

“And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more of a tendency to look for peole who live by kindness, tolerance, compassion, a gentler way of of looking at things.” — Martin Scorcese

Holiday season can be stressful, trying, and expensive, but it can also be festive, heartwarming and rewarding. The key to having a manageable holiday experience is to treat yourself well and find a balance between things you want to do and things you need to or have to do. It’s very important to set limits on what you demand from yourself — and limits on what you allow others to ask of you. Allow yourself to step back from getting caught up in the commercial side of things. Concentrate on who you love, on appreciating others and tapping into your gratitude. It’s therapeutic — it inspires you to express, and to experience, all those positive emotions.

Remember that if you push yourself too far, you’re in danger of experiencing holiday burnout. Be kind to yourself — get a massage, go out to lunch with a good friend, take in a movie. Avoid family guilt trips and never, ever give in to being driven by, “I should…” or “I have to…”

November and December are difficult months for me in general. Many years ago, I was trafficked to Japan and spent November and December as a virtual prisoner of organized crime figures. I suffered some unimaginable trauma during that time, but fortunately, someone helped me to escape. Over the years, I’ve undergone therapy for PTSD, and I’ve healed and prospered. My life now is very happy. Still, when November and December roll around, it’s as if my body somehow picks up an echo of the trauma, and I always need to remind myself daily to treat myself kindly and to live in gratitude that I’m still alive, and that I’m free.

Once I begin to tap into gratitude, I feel 100% more serene, more hopeful and inspired. I witness my muscles relaxing, my breath coming more easily, my mood lifting. Try it yourself, and see. Gratitude is the ultimate attitude adjustment. And attitude is everything.

Positive visualization is a powerful and effective tool which can help you to reach any goal, overcome any obstacle, and realize any dream. One very important thing to remember about positive visualization is that the more specific your vision is, the better your results. Attain a relaxed mental state, and charge up your positive emotions — you can do this by listening to music that lifts you up, or by exercising — anything that increases your endorphins. Endorphins, positive emotions, and a feeling of serenity will turbo-charge your visualization. Many people use photos, clippings from magazines, or images from the web to help the mind fix itself on a clear picture or symbol of what you desire to manifest.

Daily repetition of this visualization process is essential if you want results. Also, visualize as though the fulfillment is happening in the moment, the now, not in some imaginary future. See it, believe it, and celebrate it, simultaneously. You picture yourself surrounded by, and experiencing fully, the feelings, sights, sounds, and sensations of what you need and desire. This process does take time, but if you embrace a specific vison, playing it over and over again in your mind, you are actually preparing yourself to step into the experience! As you practice the process, you develop skill so that your results keep improving exponentially. This isn’t magic, it’s science. Athletes, business leaders, motivational speakers, celebrities and people from all walks of life have reported their successes with visualization in interviews, articles, books, and onstage.

The power phrase for today is, See it, Believe it, Celebrate and Achieve it!

Eleven months ago, I wrote a piece for the Free the Slaves blog. Free the Slaves is a global grassroots organization which fights modern slavery in all its forms — and makes a difference. I’m posting this link again on my website because I will not be silenced. Human trafficking is a terrible, insidious crime and must be stopped on the demand level. Trafficked individuals must be given a safe place to heal from the trauma. This holiday season, consider donating to Free the Slaves, International Justice Mission, SAGE project or Not for Sale.

Here is the link to my story: http://www.freetheslaves.net/slavery-is-rampant-fear-and-shame-are-traffickers-weapons/

Kickass personal transformation is a journey punctuated with laughter and an increasing ability to recognize the humor in situations and relationships. Transformation, recovery, and healing are turbo-charged when you step outside yourself and embrace a sense of playfulness and joyful discovery. When you relax and take it easy, living life in the present moment, the beauty of life springs up to meet you on your path.

Laughter takes the edge off stress and pain, and engages both hemispheres of the brain. Laughter stimulates learning and enhances memory. A sense of humor dispels anger, increases optimism and elevates mood. Cultivate and practice a commitment to never take yourself too seriously. Feelings of entitlement, self-importance and grandiosity fuel addiction, anger and impatience. Black and white thinking, catastrophizing and other cognitive distortions make you tense and overly serious.

Loosen up with laughter. Develop your sense of humor — ask yourself what’s funny about your situation, your life, your past. A humiliating experience can become a kickass water cooler story if you look back on it with a sense of humor. Ask other people what is the funniest thing that ever happened to them. Discuss funny situations and experiences with friends and family and expand the laughs by viewing things from many different angles.
You get what you’re looking for in life — whatever you focus on comes back to you tenfold.

Transform your self talk: Say, “I’m relaxed and confident. I’m adept at seeing the funny side of a situation. Whatever annoyance or defeat life throws in my path becomes fodder for my fabulous humor, my funny story generator. When things go against the grain, I win with humor. Go ahead and try it — just for laughs!

A sense of humor increases optimism, hope and confidence. Hope energizes, sustains, and increases patience as you expect, and eventually realize the manifestation of your dreams and goals. Confidence works with hope as you act as if you are already surrounded by everything you are hoping for. Live each day in optimism, hope and confidence, and experience joy in the result. And that’s kickass.

“Hope is a waking dream.” — Aristotle

Through the process of kickass recovery and relentless focus on happiness and healing, I’ve accomplished a personal transformation, created a new lifestyle and discovered my authentic self. Sixteen years ago I was a hardcore drug addict living in a rat-infested shack, unemployable, estranged from my family, filled with rage and self-loathing. My driver’s license was suspended.

Addiction had been the central focus of my life for over nine years, during which time I spent a year homeless — sleeping under bridges and in abandoned houses. I’d survived a number of physical and sexual assaults — traumatic experiences resulting from my self-destructive behavior, that is, exposing myself to dangerous situations and associating with violent individuals in the obsessive pursuit of addictive substances. I suffered from PTSD as a result of repeated trauma.

But one day, a miracle happened when I looked at my life objectively. I realized that I was utterly miserable and I couldn’t go another day in my present condition. I prayed for help. I got down on my knees, didn’t fold my hands or anything, kept my eyes open, and fervently murmured the heathen prayers of a junkie, “God, whoever you are, wherever you are, help me. I’m so unhappy, and I want to be happy. Please help me.” At that point, my mind quieted, and after about 30 seconds, a thought crossed my mind. “Hey, maybe it’s the dope.” That was my miracle, because I accepted the fact that I was powerless over my addiction, but that I could change if I worked a plan of action toward recovery. I began taking steps toward healing, one day at a time.

From that point on, I’ve marched down the road of kickass recovery and personal transformation. I kicked addiction — cigarettes and coffee included — started working out six days a week, thinking positive, got a job and rode a bicycle till I got my license back, got a car, became a professional standup comic in Los Angeles. I toured the U.S. professionally and went back to school.

I now hold four professional certifications in addiction treatment and I’m a member of the National Speakers Association. I’ve published a critically acclaimed memoir and my articles have been published in many corporate and trade publications. I married the man of my dreams, a wonderful guy I met during my years in the drug scene. We made our comeback together. Also I’ve reunited with my family.

Today I am lucky enough to own real estate, which is really exciting for a formerly homeless person. I’ve still got a long way to go to fulfill my dreams, but I am on my way and loving the journey. I hope you will benefit from my story — I am living proof that even the seemingly hopeless cases recover, heal, and triumph.

Hello Indianapolis,

As a certified addiction treatment professional, a relapse prevention specialist and professional comedian, I appreciate the therapeutic benefits of laughter. One of our primary goals is to have the theater filled with laughing, happy people. We producers and comics are donating our services. In addition to encouraging people’s attendance, we need businesses and individuals to purchase tickets that we can give to people in recovery houses and programs throughout the Indianapolis area.

Our first annual Laff-aholics show will take place at 8p.m. Wednesday August 24, 2011 in the Toby Theater of The Indianapolis Museum of Art, 4000 Michigan Road, Indianapolis. Tickets are $25 and available on our website, www.laff-aholics.com. Prior to the show the museum’s Nourish Cafe will be open and have food and drink available. We encourage audience members to arrive early in order to eat, drink and socialize. This year’s performers include Alonzo Bodden, Ritch Shydner, and myself as emcee. Alonzo was a winner in Last Comic Standing, has appeared numerous times on The Tonight Show and is star of the Showtime Special, “Is Anybody Listening?” Ritch has numerous Tonight Show and Letterman appearances, an HBO Special, and is featured in the Showtime Documentary, “I Am Comic.” Ritch is an actor, producer and writer for Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, and Roseanne, to name a few.

This year all proceeds from the show after expenses will go to The Dove House, Rich Recovery Services, Inc., and the Talbot House — all certified 501 C-3 non-profits. While nuanced differences may exist in these programs’ operations and approaches, they share a common mission: to facilitate transformation of their residents into functional participating members of society through providing a nurturing sober environment and expediting access to services that support recovery from chemical dependency. All three programs emphasize preparing clients to get and maintain jobs and achieve self-sustaining responsibility. These programs could all use funds to support residents in some form and / or to maintain their facilities.

With the help of the extended community, we can establish a recurring event that will continue to provide laughter and funds to help others help themselves in recovery.

Thank you in advance for supporting this event!

Marti MacGibbon, CADAC-II, CADC-II, ICADC, ACRPS